This is not a new horror movie. But it should be. Mind if I rant a little?

Since I have been on my own (about 24 years now), I have probably owned approximately 15 or so can openers. I've tried them all, too-- top of the line automatic, middle-class electric, and the human-powered hand-crankers. I've splurged on the hand crankers, too- I once forked out $20 for a really fancy one.

Every single one of them dies within a month or so. Every single one, that is, except my grandmother's old 70's metal hand-cranker. But that gave up the ghost today, in the middle of my can opening carnival. So I have an assortment of cans unopened (right before dinner), a few opened after much effort (turn the cranker three times to cut open an inch), and a few opened, but shedding their paper all over. My cursed can openers-- if they work at all-- also have this habit of shedding all the papers that surround the lip of the can. So, when I have finally opened the can, and when I dump the cans contents into my pot, all the shedded paper plops into the soup as well. And I have to pick it all out.

Does anyone out there, anywhere, know of any reliable brand can opener I can buy? I think I've exhausted the supply at WalMart, K-mart, and the local grocery store. I'm about to go beserk! Grrrrrr!